My Druidic Education Part 4
The main reason that I had no self-confidence was the way I was being treated by my parents, especially my mother.
What happened with my mother was that she didn’t know how to open her heart. She was mentally tortured by the beliefs and teachings of the very strict “Christian” family she came in to. She was shattered and she didn’t know how to love.
There’s a darkness and a light here. In all of my earthly lifetimes, I have always acted from my heart to the best of my ability at the time, and I would learn from my mistakes. So living with my mother, a person who didn’t know how to open her heart, was traumatic. Because of her experiences of growing up without love, she could not know how to love with her heart. She wasn’t able to be a loving human, let alone a mother.
The last time I saw my mother was when I was 17. We were both sitting in the living room. I was listening to some music that was dark, some hard rock. My mother was watching me. I was singing along. She saw how unhappy I was at that moment and that I was ready to just chuck it all, leave this body. I didn’t know how to get away from the darkness. The darkness is not knowing the Love.
I went to the kitchen for a glass of water. When I came back, she looked at me and asked, “How can I get rid of this hatred?” She actually GOT it. I turned around and went back to the kitchen. I was shaking. My body wanted to hurt her, for all the hurt and torture she had put me through as a child. But then I turned around and walked back to her and said, “The hatred that you’ve felt, that you’ve acted on in this life, LEAVE it in this life, leave it here.”
Then she asked me to forgive her for how she’d treated me. I said, “I forgive you. Leave it all here.” I had to decide on my own to forgive her, and I did. This is what freed ME. I no longer felt like hurting her. I was freed of my own anger. I never saw her again. She died soon after.
I was still heavy into drugs—marijuana, LSD and others, but I no longer felt out of control. I was able to get on with my life. When someone who has injured you, tortured you even, asks forgiveness, and you are able to forgive them, then you are freed as well.
That was the beginning of me saving myself. But it never would have happened if I hadn’t had my grandparents. They helped me by loving me and teaching me through Love. Discipline with Love. And the way they taught me to communicate with and become one with Nature. The love that Nature gives us is always there with us. We only have to open to it.
Photo: CALLA LILY-the essence is for Forgiveness. www.taliloquay.com
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